I can think of many, many, many ways I could be woken up in the middle of the night. Dozens of ways. Hundreds of ways. Thousands and maybe even gazillions of ways. Not one of them involves my dog peeing on me.
I was rather rudely awakened at 1:32 a.m. by an odd sensation on my right breast. As I started to come to consciousness, my first thought was that my dog had peed on me. My second thought was, as I patted my dog's rear end which was firmly planted against the side of my chest, nope, it's dry. My third thought, as I fully gained my faculties and patted underneath my dog (that was key) and then my side, was that my DOG had PEED on ME. AGAIN.
She wasn't even stirring as I pushed on her and smacked on her and finally got up to get a towel so I could (a) smack her awake with it and (b) lay it down to soak up the pee. No, she was sleeping peacefully. I'm smacking her with this towel (not hard, just like tap tap tap) going WAKE UP. If I have to miserable at 1:32 in the morning SO DO YOU. She finally woke up enough to realize something was going on, then to get her wet butt outside. Where she PEED SOME MORE. A LOT more.
Sorry about all the caps. But when your dog pees on you, it calls for caps.
It wasn't even in a spot where I could -- I'm not ashamed to admit this -- ignore it until morning. There was a platter (a LARGE platter) sized wet spot on the down comforter cover, clearly soaking all the way through to the comforter even if I were so inclined to change the cover to a dry one (which at 1:32 a.m. I am NOT), plus a dinner plate sized wet spot on the bed right about where, oh let's say where my right side would be laying. As it had been when she peed on me.
See, I don't actually have bed sized blankets. I have one regular down comforter that I use year round except for the two weeks in the summer when it gets too hot to have any blankets and the two weeks in the winter where it gets cold enough that I can use my super-duper heavy duty down comforter. It's a serious comforter. I could sleep comfortably in the snow wrapped up in only that comforter. It retails for about $800 bucks. The cover is a silk cotton blend. I will have a dead dog should she ever pee on that one. Luckily it's probably too cold and she'd have only peesicles.
Anyhow, I have no covers, just couch sized and maybe as large as full sized blankets. Don't ask me why my mother makes me full-sized quilts. I have a queen-sized bed. I gathered up three different inadequate-on-their-own blankets and wrapped up in those. On my side of the bed. Pee-butt didn't get any covers. She's lucky I let her back into the house.
Needless to say, I didn't run this morning. Except out of bed when I was peed on. I finally called my allergist today to arrange to get some sinus infection meds. I will cherish the day, hopefully soon, when these tiny little elves stop slamming their tiny little hammers INTO MY SKULL.
Plus I'm running on Saturday, rain or shine. Elves or no elves. The dog will be wearing a diaper. And dehydrated.