Monday, September 24, 2012

Monday Musings

1.  I am finally having more in-body experiences than out of body experiences.  It's still probably a tumor though.

2.  Did the bridesmaid thing on Saturday.  It was a blast, although maybe too short; it only took us about 90 minutes to decide on dresses for both bride and maids.  I'm not sure if the groom reads my blog so I can't post pics yet.  We all ended up with strapless, which for me is highly amusing but my dress passed the jump test when I wasn't even wearing a bra at all.  I may wear it forever after. 

3.  I did print myself a pic of the dress to post on the fridge or maybe my bathroom mirror for inspiration to get in some upper body work before the wedding.  Which hmm if it's on the fridge I have to remember to take down before the bride and groom come a'visiting Portland Marathon weekend. 

4.  Was searching for something work related in my e-mail and came across one I sent to my boss that says only:  Braaaaaaaaainnnnssssssss.  BRAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.........

5.  Hee!

6.  I finally met my downstairs neighbor yesterday.  Who turned out to be not the person I thought was my downstairs neighbor.  We chatted for about two minutes and then as we went to go our separate ways, she gave me a hug.  And I can't decide if I found it charming or creepy.  But I do feel more comfortable if at some point in the future I am compelled to mention to her that her children sound like elephants on the stairs. 

7.  Speaking of which, somebody with whom I share a common wall -- may have been next door neighbor, and I've only met her/their cat -- decided midnight was a good time to tap nails into the wall.  At least I hope that's what it was, otherwise somebody was knocking on somebody's front door -- possibly mine, I can't tell from my bedroom -- three taps at a time, for about a half an hour.  I didn't hear any accompanying sounds to the tapping like "Hello?",  "I know you're in there", or "Please call 911, I've been stabbed, I'm bleeding, gurgle..." so I figured if there really was somebody at my door, at that hour they could just leave a note. 

8.  Although I'm not really sure what to make of the note I found on my door this morning.  It was fixed to my door with a ten inch Bowie knife and covered in bloody smears but it said "Sorry we missed you!" with a big smiley face so you know, mixed messages.  I am expecting a package so that must be it.

9.  I get so tired some times.  Case in point:  Person X wants me to draft an e-mail to Person Y asking them to confirm that Scenario C will result from Fact A and Decision B.  So my e-mail to Person Y says "Please confirm that Scenario C will result from Fact A and Decision B."  My question is, was my involvement in this really necessary?   Add to this Person Z, who wants to see the draft before it goes out.  Really?  These are minutes I'm never going to get back, people. 

10.  Of course, if you point all this out to Person X, you're labeled as having a bad attitude.  I call it reality.  ToMAYto, toMAHto.   

the CilleyGirl

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Thirteen Things Thursday: The Decapitation Edition

1.  People don't really need a head, do they?  I'd really like to cut mine off...

2.  I was back at the allergist this morning.  The main reason was to do an updated scratch test, but the first round of antibiotics/prednisone didn't completely knock out my sinus infection so that was a priority.  I've got another round of drugs to start tonight.  On the scratch test, like a good little blogger I took pictures.

3.  This is the start of the test.  They poke your arm with 40 samples of allergens.  Far right column is all trees, next column is grasses, dust mites, dog and cat, and wheat, eggs, and milk, and the control spot with histamine.  Next column is weeds.  Last column is molds.  Yummy!  Then you sit and marinate for about 15 minutes and then...

4.  ....your arm may or may not start to look like this.  I think for everyone there is a slight reaction to the pokes, in fact my arm still has little red dots all over it, but what they are looking for are the big red ones.  The really huge one on the far right is birch.  Good thing I moved across the street from a gigantic stand of birch trees, right?  On the far left you can see two dots where the top one is white, that was a secondary test where I get injected under the skin with histamine (the white dot) and with respiratory bacteria.  More yummy!  I had a reaction to that too, it's still really sore and swollen. 

5.  I learned about how allergy shots work.  Basically, they make a vial out of all the crap that you are allergic to and then inject you with it.  It's in small enough amounts that it doesn't (shouldn't) cause an allergic reaction but it occupies your immune system so that when you are exposed to a known allergen (like birch pollen) your system is too busy to have a histamine response.  Kind of nifty.  Except for the part where they are injecting you with DUST MITES and stuff.

6.  We have a wedding date!  And this Saturday I get to try on bridesmaids dresses.  Yay!  I think we are all hoping that we can find some comfy shoes that also look awesome. 

7.  If you are in the Pacific Northwest and hearing about the Wenatchee complex fire, my parents' ranch is smack in the middle of all of that.  They evacuated and are waiting to hear when they can go back home.  It's been fun.

8.  This sinus infection is putting all sorts of pressure on my ear which in turn has left me crazy dizzy and nauseous on an almost constant basis.  Again I ask, do I really need my head?  Pretty sure the answer is no.

9.  Still working on this crap legal project.  It's even crappier when I just feel like yakking instead.  Lately I am always aware of the location of horking receptacles like trash cans.  Vases.  Purses.  Hats.  Whatever.

10.  Yak yak yak.

11.  Legal research in general isn't so bad and it's somewhat of a nice break from the regular routine.  But this is more of a "nobody's asked this question before" issue which makes the research and arguments all highly conceptual.  And as you know, I have decapitated my head.  Which makes the thinking hard.

12.  Is "decapitated my head" redundant? 

13.  Gah, yet more evacuation notices for the Wenatchee complex fire.  It's spreading like, well, wildfire.  Very appreciative of all of the firefighters who have come to help out.

the CilleyGirl

Monday, September 10, 2012


Today is World Suicide Prevention Day. 

Which is good timing as I am in a major depressive episode.

I've been trying to figure out what triggered it.  There are several candidates.

1.  Mourning the loss of MCM this year.  Overall I feel good about the decision to postpone -- it was the right thing to do -- but I still feel like kind of a failure.  Plus I wonder, will next year be different?  I want it to be different.  I always want that.  I don't get there.  I am sad.

2.  I went to see Jim Gaffigan in concert Saturday night.  For some reason, I noticed all the couples.  Couples couples everywhere.  I felt like the only single person in Keller Auditorium Saturday night.  Am I doomed to be alone?  I thought I didn't really care about that.  Do I care?  Do I?  Why do I?  A guy seems like a lot of work. 

3.  My good friend is getting married and I'm lucky to be one of her bridesmaids and I'm happy for them and about the upcoming wedding.  But I feel like a nightmare bridesmaid -- no strapless dresses!  No strapless bras!  No spaghetti straps!  Oh, and I don't wear heels either....  So not only do I feel like a shit friend -- it's all about her*, NOT me -- but then I wonder, is this why I'm single?   I don't dress all cute, I don't wear heels, I don't wear makeup but once in a blue moon.  I'm probably a shit person too.  And again, why do I care?  (About the single part, not about being a crap friend, that part bugs me.  A lot.)

4.  I don't want to do this legal research thing at the office.  Because it's just going to become a big pain in the ass and I'm tired of that drama.  There's something amorphous bothering me about work lately.  I don't know what it is.  I just don't want to be here very much lately. 

5.  I dreamed about my dog Maggie this weekend.  With the kitties, my dogs haven't been in my thoughts much lately and I feel guilty about that.  I miss my dogs very much.

6.  The appetite thing bothers me.  Do I just not care enough to eat?  So then I've been eating grains lately -- because, hey, who cares? -- and now my stomach is all torn up.  I'm eating poison on purpose.  Why don't I care more about that?  I should care. 

I don't know how to end this so I will just say,

the CilleyGirl

*I will suck it up and wear heels for the wedding.  But the bra thing, think of it this way:  Your wedding pictures will be SCARY if my boobs are down to my waist or spilling out over my dress and/or smacking me in the face. 

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Thirteen Things Thursday - The *Le sigh* Edition

1.  Why do migraines show up when the weather is nice and sunny and bright?  Ugh.

2.  I've made the decision to defer my Marine Corps Marathon entry to 2013.  There were several factors going in to this.

3.  First, pretty sure I've reinjured my right leg again.  As in, a developing stress fracture.  I thought it was a deep muscle strain but in retrospect that's what I originally thought the last time.  Right before the (literally) bone-deep screaming pain that kicked in a week or so later.  I'm not quite to that point but I think one more long run would start me down that path.  And I'd rather not.

4.  I could probably cut way back on training and still manage to finish a marathon distance without a total fracture.  But I couldn't do that and make the MCM cutoff.  I would hate to spend all that time and training and money only to get swept. 

5.  And speaking of money, between moving and the new kitties (and their vet bills, times two) I ended up with only about half of the money set aside that I had hoped for for this trip.  It would seriously detract from my enjoyment of the trip if I was constantly stressed about money the entire time.  I just can't eat Taco Bell that many times in a row.  Plus the trip would have wiped out my savings and then some, and I like having some money set aside for unexpected expenses. 

6.  Last but not least, I had also chipped away at the vacation time I'd set aside for this trip by being sick.  Instead of two full weeks like I had originally planned I was down to one.  Not nearly enough time for what I wanted to do and see.   Plus it would have wiped out all my remaining vacation time for 2012.

7.  The plan for 2013 is to do it right this time.  Build the base miles before I start actual marathon training.  Yes, I said that last time too.  But try, try again.  For now I'm going to take four to six weeks off running completely.  Let my leg heal.  Save money and stash vacation time. 

8.  I do think it's kind of nifty that 2013's race will be actually on my birthday.  The symmetry appeals to me.  I may plan next year's trip where I am there for the week before the race, up in New York and New England.  Give me time to acclimate to the time zone.  Then spend the post-race week in D.C. with lots of walking for recovery. 

9.   Now I need to plan what I will be doing for my birthday this year.   Maybe the beach for a couple of days.  I love the stormy season.

10.  I am looking forward to fall officially starting.  Particularly since I have a fireplace in the new place. 

11.  There is also maybe going to be a destination wedding in my near-ish future.  (If I'm special enough.)  Postponing MCM until 2013 leaves a bit of money in the (metaphorical) kitty for that.   As long as it's not in the Bahamas.  West Coast is better.

12.  I will also have a cushion for any sick or mental health days I might need to take through the end of the year. 

13.  I won't know what to do with myself if I don't have to get up for a weekend long run.  Hmm, maybe I'll..... sleep.

the CilleyGirl

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Raise your hand if you remembered it's Tuesday!

I keep forgetting it's not Monday.

I had a nice long holiday weekend.  I slept.  I ran.  I slept again.

When your body is healing, it wants to sleep.  I finally got up shortly before two in the afternoon on Saturday.  Although for an hour or so before that I was awake and half snoozing with the kittens.  In between their escapades.  Their latest fun thing to do is steal my watch.  I ate a little bit -- more on my still-weird appetite below -- and listened to the last hours of my audiobook, watched some Brit crime drama.... and fell back asleep on the couch for nearly two hours.  Heal, heal, heal.

Sunday I had to be up early to log 15 miles.  I headed out to the Fanno Creek trail and did an out and back for seven, then I got to run the last eight with Michelle from This Princess Runs!  We've been threatening to run together for a while now and on Sunday the stars more or less aligned.  (There was a bit of an alarm clock snafu.)   We were matched really well pace-wise, and Michelle got her Princess on while I was definitely a CilleyGirl.  I had to ease up a bit in the last couple miles as it was warming up outside plus I am still having a persistent tightness in my right calf.  Hopefully it's just the muscle being pesky and not a problem of something like a stress fracture where the muscle attaches to the bone.  It's far enough back in the smack dab middle of the meat of the calf muscle that I'm thinking it's just a big knot.  We wrapped up our run with a great breakfast at the chinese place. 

Monday I only slept in until around ten but then got up to do a whole lot of nothing.  Mostly reading as I have some library books due.  I don't even think I took a shower.  The most productive thing I did all day was make some rice spaghetti and meat sauce for my lunch for the next few days.

Which I forgot I put a container of on top of my car this morning and drove away with it still there.  I bet it made a spectacular splash on the street.  Thankfully it was in a plastic container and not a nice dish.  I had pizza instead.

So, my appetite is still all wonky.  Only a few things -- like sushi and pizza -- appeal to me these days.  Then I get full really quickly, only to feel somewhat hungry again about an hour later.  I wonder if part of it is a change in my sense of taste and smell.  Spicy stuff sounds good, like wasabi, as does salty stuff, like BBQ potato chips.  It seems like things taste the same.  But why am I not hungry, or rather why am I just not very interested in food?  I sat yesterday for a couple of hours thinking about what to have for lunch this week.  Nothing came to mind.  Well, except for sushi but my pocketbook can't handle that.  Finally pasta sounded somewhat appealing.  Or London Broil, some sort of flavorful and rare thin sliced beef.   Chinese BBQ pork.  Mostly I've had interest in just meat.  Veggies?  Nope.  Fruit?  Nope.  I swear, I'm going to get scurvy. 

Maybe I need to find a few things that are appealing -- that include veggies and fruit -- and start grazing throughout the day.  I can eat until I'm full, which doesn't take much these days, and have more food waiting for later so that I don't feel like I have to force myself to eat everything on my plate. 

Now I just need to figure out what sounds good.  And then not leave it on top of my car.

Anybody have any suggestions as to what could be causing these issues? 

the CilleyGirl