I've been feeling kind of blah as December wears on. It's not because it's tis the season. Working here the past six Decembers, on top of how I grew up, as I've said before Christmas just doesn't have that much oomph for me anymore (and I'm okay with that). It's not even really because of this truly insane December I am having as a consequence of my work (today is day 18 without a break -- gack!).
It's because almost every blog I discover these days has a wonderful recital about how the author has lost 80 or so pounds in the past year.
And then I think back to my past year.
Where I haven't lost a freakin thing, pound-wise.
(As a side note, I just remembered to put the lunch I didn't eat in the freezer. Here's what's in our office freezer: two frozen lunches, coffee, and a bottle of vodka. That pretty much sums it up around here.)
Now for most of these folks I haven't gone back to learn just what they did to lose this weight. They could have cut calories or started to exercise or some combination of those. All of them seemed to have worked hard to get where they are. Which is what makes me kind of blah. I didn't change my already pretty sensible eating habits (ham and fish stick incidents aside, those really are rare), I just added exercise to my sedantary life. And I know I lost inches -- I wish I'd taken my measurements back in January though -- and I did go down a size. My face looks thinner, although I do still have that angora bunny thing if I tuck my chin in just right. But the scale hasn't budged, or if it did it budged in the wrong damn direction.
But I also know that I haven't tried all that hard either.
I was spotty about my training. I've said before that I lean more towards the idea that I wasn't eating enough when I was exercising (considering I basically never exercised in years prior to this), but I just wasn't willing to cut 300 or 400 calories a day for a month or so to see what would happen. I'm still having a hard time with that idea.
What if I do cut my calories and I'm starving and I still don't lose weight? Do I cut more? Add more?
I'm so afraid of failing that it's nearly impossible for me to even get started.
Okay, enough of the whiney stuff. Let's talk about racing! All the racing I'm going to be doing in 2010, all the mileage my tootsies will be racking up. I've had to laugh (at myself, natch) lately with everyone talking about the miles they've run in 2009 and what their mileage goals are for 2010. A common mileage goal is 1,000 miles. At first I thought, yikes! Then as I read on I thought, that doesn't sound too bad. I wonder how much I've done this year? Surely 1,000 miles would be doable based on what I've done this year, right?
I went back and looked at my iPod miles. Now, I only got my Nike+ thing around June so I was logging miles for around five months before that, plus there were those couple of weeks where the sensor wasn't working and it didn't log that mileage at all. I figure for the weeks it stopped working I ran about 15 miles. Estimating on the low side, because I was lazy at the time, I'd say I ran about 80 miles before I got the Nike+. Grand total for my running year? That would be a whopping 261 miles. Wow, my ass is truly lazy.
I've been pondering my 2010 goals, running and otherwise, and I think I will set a goal of running at least 576.2 miles next year. That would equate to a little more than double what I did this year, 550 miles, plus my marathon in May. Doable, I think. I will revisit this goal in June to see if I can up that number.
I was making a list last night of 2010 runs I want to do. I think I mentioned previously that I spent at least $600 in race fees alone this year. I wanted to do less races this year and focus more on actual training, so I wanted to pick my favorites. Guess how many that came out to? See for yourself:
- Resolution Run 5K: Already signed up for this through NW Running League.
- Fanconi Anemia 5K or 8K: my first race ever, so I'd like to run it again in 2010.
- Shamrock Run.
- Race for the Roses: Just a great race overall.
- Run for the Cheetah: At the zoo, probably the best organized race I did all year, and it benefits the cheetah.
- Lake Oswego Lake Run: Nice course, great cotton t-shirt.
- 10 Cane Rum Run: For the rum.
- Mt. Tabor Doggie Challenge
- Lacamas Lake
- Crawfish Crawl
- Turkey Trot
- Run Like Hell
- and don't forget, the Eugene Marathon.
Added to that are a few other races that get me points with NW Running League: Spring Burst 5K, Earth Day Advantage 5K, Friar Trot 5K, and the CATnip Friday 5K. I'm also thinking about the Foot Traffic Flat in July, that or the Ridgefield 4th of July 5K which I ran this year and really enjoyed with the small town atmosphere.
I think I have a sickness. But I really love the race atmosphere. I love the shirts and the schwag. It gives me a concrete goal that gets me out there to run.
Mostly it's a sickness.