Which is a good thing because I'm not feeling well and I let that keep me from the gym this morning.
I've felt incredibly guilty all morning. And like a failure. A complete failure. I suck. I never finish what I start. I'm a horrible runner. I'm a moose. A big fat moose. A moose failure. Who can't run and sucks and never finishes what the big fat moose starts.
Yeah, it's awfully cheerful behind my eyes today.
But then I read a post by another blogger. And I would give credit if only I could remember who it was. Which is sad because I read it just minutes ago. Ah yes, I tracked it down: Sean over at Daily Diary of a Winning Loser. He was talking about how this is all one day at a time. I read that and immediately my mind started shifting in the right direction: It is one day at a time. My plan was already to go run tonight after work or, if I'm still feeling fluffy between the ears (seems to be a sinus thing, hopefully not the first day of a two day build up to another full blown migraine) I'll run tomorrow. Neither is optimal in my opinion; I prefer to work out in the morning and on an empty stomach. Yet I need to get it done. It's important to me to do it and I am important to me, therefore I need to do it. I feel as though if I wait until tomorrow I might not actually do it (I'd rather sleep in and have tomorrow as a rest day), so I need to commit to tonight.
Maybe I need a carrot to dangle in front of me so that I will do it. Okay then. Brain, if you go run after work you can get a big sloppy hamburger for dinner. And some chicken fries. Even a chocolate shake if you are so inclined.
I know I shouldn't reward myself with food, but.... There is a good chance that I may feel so virtuous after my workout that I will go for some other, healthier option instead. Like Subway or KFC's grilled chicken. Actually the latter sounds pretty good right now. Mmmm, chicken.
I had that weird heartburn thing again this morning, part of the reason I talked myself out of running. And again, not sure why. I didn't even really eat dinner last night. I subbed on a friend's bowling team and didn't have time (or feel inclined) for dinner beforehand. I had some tater tots while bowling, with the idea that I would pick something up on the way home, like Taco Bell. But I still didn't feel inclined later, plus I've started reading Jillian Michaels' new book about metabolism and her "No carbs after 9:00 p.m." kept ringing in my ears. It was only ten after nine, but I could just see me eating and then feeling too full to sleep. So, no dinner but tots. Maybe it was the empty stomach that did it? But I ate dinner the night before... Gah, I'm too fluffy for this today.
I hope everyone is having a more in-focus day than I am. I am off to eat lunch; perhaps that will help.