As you may have guessed from yesterday's post, I've got a good case of the grumps coming on. So, to try to head that off at the pass -- or at least give you something more interesting to read about then me bitching -- let me tell you about the mani-pedi I had on Saturday.
I've been wanting to find a decent hole in the wall kind of nails place. I usually go to a spa/salon place and while good for special occasions, on a regular basis it's pretty pricey. Plus the spa I go to doesn't have the massaging chairs. In fact, their pedicure chairs kind of suck. Maybe I shouldn't even go there for special occasions. Hmmm.
Anyhow, we went to a place next door to one of my favorite sushi places, by my friend S's house. The manicure was okay. She didn't chop my cuticles all to hell, which was very very good. I ask you, why do they do that? They cut into your fingers and then they pour polish remover all over them. Double ouchies! So, good on the cuticles, but I am the type who believes that the polish should evenly cover the nail bed in its entirety. And I have some bare spots. I'm just sayin'.
But they do have great massage chairs. And highly amusing massage chairs. She turns on the massage part of it and I'm not certain that it had a vibrate option but in retrospect it's probably a good thing. And here's why.
The chair starts at the head. It's pushing and rubbing and beating, and -- like they do -- it starts doing this on down my back. Neck, shoulders, mid-back, low back -- all perfectly normal, down the back of the chair. Like a big fist coming out of the chair, it's doing this. So then I expect it to start massaging back up my spine. Except.
Y'all. Suddenly this thing pokes me right in the hoo-ha. And I'm already jittery from the pedicure itself, because for some reason I was extremely ticklish that day, and I'm trying not to twitch my feet but it's an autonomic reaction so I really can't help it. So when this happens -- and remember how I described it as a big fist? -- so when this BIG FIST kind of knead-punches me right in the coochie, I'm taken just a tad by surprise. I swear, you know how those women have babies who don't realize they're pregnant? This had to be just like that, but in reverse. It was a pornographic version of Aliens.
All the while, Glee is playing on the TV in the salon. Molested by a chair to music.
And it was the Thong Song.
I am not making this up.
With this I leave you,