1. I don't want to hear about Kristen Stewart.
2. Or Rob Pattinson.
3. Or their relationship. Or questions about whether they're in a relationship. Or whatever.
4. I don't want to hear from Donald Trump. Unless he shaves his head. By the way, the Donald didn't think through his calls for revolution very well. Historically speaking the very rich do not fare well in revolutions. I invite the Donald to review the history of, say, the guillotine.
5. I don't want to hear about the Octomom.
6. I don't want to hear, hear about, or hear from anyone who doesn't think rape is a big deal. Be quiet, you're embarrassing yourself and, really, the entire human race.
7. I don't want to hear about someone killing their girlfriend/wife/family/kids and then killing themselves. Do us all a favor, skip step 1. You only get to make the decision that YOU can't take it anymore or you've had enough or whatever. You don't get to decide for anyone else.
8. And if you're skipping step 2 in that equation, don't. Add it and implement it. Immediately. We'll get along without you. Really.
9. I don't want to hear about how there will be riots in the streets or barring of the subdivision gates or that you're moving to Canada or that you're buying of all the guns while you still can because soon they will be all gone now that whomever has been elected to public office. No one person rules this country. Checks and balances: Look it up.
10. I don't want to hear about or hear from anybody who gets their information solely from Fox Fairy Tales. If your news anchor characterizes someone as an idiot, a moron, whatever -- surprise, you're not watching the news. Osama bin Laden was not described in the news as a psychopathic asshole. We all knew that he was. But to say so in the news is to report your opinion. Which is not news, it is your opinion.
11. I don't want to hear about the debt ceiling or a fiscal cliff. I just want the problem solved. And "solved" does not involve anything other than representing the best interests of the people who elected you. There's no posturing. There's no party lines. Do your damn jobs.
12. I don't want to hear about going green, being green, discovering green, patronizing green, or anything else about being green. Be green. Just do it quietly without looking for fanfare or praise for at least a year. Don't shove it down our throats. Or I will show you what being green truly means. All over your PETA approved shoes.
13. I don't want to hear about any more reality shows about rednecks, roadkill, real housewives, fake housewives, wife swapping, extreme makeovers, multiple births, little people (who have a show solely because they are little people; if it's just incidental, bring it on!), teen moms, child beauty stars, people trying to find their soul mate out of a group of people before a camera, or just generally people who are nightmares in one way, shape, or form. Know what I want a reality show about? Nothing. Cancel them all (okay, you can keep The Biggest Loser, but with less screaming and vomit) and let's see if we can raise our collective intellectual standards just a smidge.
Know what I do want to hear in 2013? I think you need to stop losing weight; you're looking too skinny!
from high atop her soapbox